Friday, January 29, 2010

my testimony.

Christianity is a very important thing in my life. Throughout the course of my nineteen years here on earth I have been reminded time and time again that it is impossible to live a life without Christ in my life. I have attended church for as long as I remember. The memories of going to Sunday school every week still replays in my mind every now and then. Though, I had been going to church since my childhood days it was not until my freshmen year in high school that I realized what it meant to truly have a relationship with Christ.
I have gone to a private Christian school for all of my academic career with the exception of third grade, of which I begged my parents to let me “try it out.” I hated it to say the least. Being an attendee of a Christian school for almost all of my life I thought I knew everything I had to in order to be a “superstar Christian.” This mentality that I held however was changed once I attended my first chapel service at my high school, Linfield Christian.
I remember to the tee my experience of my first chapel there. The worship team was incredible. The passion they had for serving was so intense that I could feel their enthusiasm for the Lord. The students seemed overly excited. The first few friends I made were solid Christian girls. I am forever grateful that I sat next to them because the way they worshipped forced me to stop and think how exactly a “Christian life” should look like. It was in the middle of a song that one of my friends began to lift her hands up and just shout praises for God and sing her heart out. I will admit I felt a little uncomfortable at first because never in all of my 14 years of attending church had I ever seen anyone so passionate about Christ. I was so amazed! From then on I became more observant of how these girls led their lives. I looked up to them even though we were the same age.
From the summer of my freshmen year to recently has been a rough time for me as far my family life is concerned. Long story short, home was not so sweet. As a freshman I was swimming in a pool of emotions unable to figure out what exactly was going on in my life and how I could possibly get through it. I am the type of person that does not like to ask for help especially with emotional issues. However, it was not until I could not take it anymore that I decided to talk to one of my teachers about it. His name was Melvin Cratsley, one of the most favored teachers at Linfield. Mr. Cratsley changed my life immensely. He guided me in finding hope in Christ by mentoring me during this difficult time. If it were not for him I honestly do not think I would have made it this far.
It was the beginning of February at a winter retreat that Linfield holds yearly that I made the decision to recommit my life to God. It was one of the best feelings I have ever felt knowing that God through all my failures sent his one and only Son to live a perfect life and die for my sins just so that I would have the opportunity to live eternally with him. I decided that the best thing that I could do in return for him was life a life that honored him and constantly gave him glory.
Since that day, I have been dedicated to live a life that illuminates his love. There have many times that I have failed but this has not stopped me from standing for his name. Until the day I die, I will be forever committed to him.

**written for JRN 412

Monday, January 25, 2010

God is love.

“Each person is meant to love a person or more than one. Maybe we were meant to happen. All the small cracks allowed me to realize he was truly for me.”

And there’s that crazy thing called love. With love you learn to trust no one but yourself. Let people in but give them limited information. You learn from the past and avoid making the same mistakes because it scares you more than anything to experience the same pain. Never settle for less than what God made you. Stick with your values and morals. Don’t ever compromise them because as Dr. Seuss once said, “Those who mind don’t matter, lives those that matter don’t mind.” Be careful how much you give of yourself because in all reality no one stays content forever. You give a little and we ask for more. The number one thing I have learned is that the only way you can truly love someone is by experiencing the love of God. God is love and blesses us with people in our to love us and for us to love. We all need love, whether we admit it or not. No one in their right mind wants to live alone and unwanted. God is the source of love. Love is a blessing not something any one of us deserve. He demonstrates His love for us through the people we love and who love us. However, when a break up does occur it doesn’t mean that he loves us any less or is abandoning us it is usually a consequence of our selfish desires and unwillingness to abide by his “rules.” These rules are not meant to be a debby-downer in our lives but, instead to prevent us from experiencing pain and heartache. He does it out of love. It’s like a parent telling their newly certified teenage-driver to not drive late at night. They don’t tell them not to in order to keep them from having a good time but, for their safety. They may have an idea of how dangerous it can be out there and how risky it is to drive late at night but, they don’t fully realize how careless other drivers may be.
Lately, I’ve been guilty of being such a worry wart especially when it comes to the topic of relationships. I get worked up about what may happen in the future with the relationship I’m in but God manages to grab a hold of me and bring me back to sanity. He reminds me that whatever happens in the future will eventually come whether I agree with it or not.
Proverbs 16:9: “In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.”
Therefore, I must love as much as I can and demonstrate His love through thick and thin. Even when they’re moments when I just rather walk away from the situation I must stay strong and continue to love just as Jesus did to his enemies. Of course there’s always that question: “Well what happens if I show all my love and they don’t or, we end up breaking up?”…Well, I wish I could give a precise answer but at the moment I’m figuring out an answer to that question as well. Until then, just live and love with the mind set: “Love as you would want to be loved and, love as if it was Jesus.” While dating, make decisions that are profitable in your relationship. In a book that I’m reading, “Dating with Pure Passion” it explains the importance of making decisions that are profitable to relationships. This means making decisions that benefit or improves it.- “The more sensual your activity together, the stronger your bond will become. However, if you break up, you will damage your hearts as your rip them apart(153).”